Saturday, February 2, 2013

Top Ten Reasons to Discipline Your Kid


  1. They deserve it. Every kid does junk every day, all the time. Therefore, they always deserve it.
  2. They need it. A child's brain will not develop properly without discipline. There is a connection between their rear and their brain. The rear needs pain to stimulate the brain. This is a fact!
  3. They want it. This fact is proven each and every day. Children know that doing dumb things will bring punishment, yet they continually do dumb things. Therefore, one must reason that children want to be punished.
  4. You need it. This one is a no brainer. Want some peace? Discipline your kid. By the way, saying, "If you do that one more time…." is worthless. Kids know better. If you're dumb enough to make that statement once, they know you'll most likely make it again. Lower the boom and be done with it! Peace is not overrated.
  5. Prophecy must be fulfilled. Your parents told you you'd pay for your own stupidity one day. You had children and soon found that the unspeakable torment your parents spoke of was indeed a reality. Your stupidity was rewarded with suffering and now you too must deal out swift justice coupled with words of doom spoken over your own child's future as a parent.
  6. Teachers will thank you. You do not want your child to be "that kid" in their class at school. You know, the kid who the teacher prays will move each and every day, but never does. Punish your kid and their teacher will sing your praises.
  7. Grandparents won't, so you must. Everyone knows grandparents love their grandkids more than their own children. When kids visit the grandparents, they are allowed to act like complete idiots. Only a rousing round of sweet discipline can ever hope to restore balance to your child's foolish heart.
  8. Your house will thank you. Your house longs to be clean. Unfortunately, your children work overtime to subvert that longing. Whacking your kid with the belt is effective, but cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors can also be effective forms of discipline. Your house works hard to keep you warm, safe, and dry. Your kids dirty up the joint. Make them clean it!
  9. Your wallet will thank you. The great thing about grounding a child is that they are banned from all activities including those that burn up your hard earned cash. A stationary kid is cheaper to maintain. So, ground that little sucker. A fat wallet is a happy wallet.
  10. The world will thank you. The world has more than enough delinquents running loose out there. Every kid has the potential to be a force for good or evil. Failing to discipline your kid conveys the idea that it's okay to act like a fool. I don't know about you, but I think I could live the rest of my life without another run-in with some idiot at Wal-Mart, the ball field, or driving down the interstate. Do the world a favor. Drive the stupidity out of your kid before they drive the rest of us insane.